The Lighter Side of Roy x Ed
by kytyngurl2
Summary: Roy x Ed. A series of short drabbles showing the lighthearted side of the Roy x Ed pairing. Sometimes fluffy, sometimes cracky, and ever so often, meta. Yaoi. Series of one shots.
1. Happy Occasion

**Happy Occasion**

"Here. Try a glass of this one. It's an '08 Rockport. One of their best years."

Ed eyed Havok uneasily over the fine linen and delicate china of the table, but accepted the glass all the same. "Thanks." Pausing to sip, he continued, "Mind telling me again why we are here?" He gestured with a gloved hand at the other tables in the expensive restaurant.

"It's no biggie, really, Boss. Think of it as a... congratulations. Of sorts."

Ed frowned. There was something... not quite right about the smile Havok had flashed then. More of a smirk really. He didn't really trust that sort of look and... Oh no. He couldn't possibily!

"Wait. Congratulations for -what-?"

"Heh. Well you know, you and the Colonel. Good to see you both se-- Um. Happy."

He was grinning again now. Like a loon. Edward noted that absently but let it pass. There were more pressing matters at hand.

"H-how did? Who told you?"

"No one in particular. Its common knowledge around headquarters now."

"Now Boss, you really shouldn't bang your head against the table like that! More wine perhaps? You should relax. This..." That smirk again. "Is a happy occasion!"

The next day found Havok 'consoling' yet another distraught fine young lady from the secretarial pool who had just discovered whom Mustang was now spending his time with. A few minutes with her left him with yet another appointment in his black book.

Strolling down the hall to get lunch, Havok smiled happily to himself.

Life was GOOD.


	2. The Reason Why

**The Reason Why**

He smiled as he stroked his lover's soft hair with careful digits. He had waited so long for this day and intended to savor it fully...

Bringing up the brush he held in his other hand, he gently combed through the silky mass... drawing out each stoke as long as he could. From below, the other man sighed happily and leaned into each pass. For once, his lover looked relaxed, his expression almost young.

This was rather amusing. He had to fight to get permission to do _this_ in the first place... then it turned out that the other alchemist liked having his hair brushed just fine. Protesting was probably just in his nature. So like him to be contrary and pretend there was nothing he especially liked or disliked.

"Done!" He finished with a flourish and then stepped back to admire his handiwork. There hadn't been much to do, but it had been fun while it lasted. The young man's smile widened even farther a second later as his lover snapped out of his trance and then pouted up at him. 

"Already!"

"Well," said Ed as he turned to put his hair-bush back on Roy's dresser. "You don't have all that much hair."

A sigh met that remark. "See, this is why I advised against this. Much easier to drag the story out if it's _me_ brushing _your_ hair." Roy gestured to Ed's long braid as he spoke. "That is what everyone else does!" 

The Fullmetal Alchemist's only response was an amused chuckle.


	3. I Like Swords

**I Like Swords!**

A/N: Inspired by the game.

Roy Mustang was trying to take a nap on top of the morning's Urgent Paperwork when he was interrupted by most of his men suddenly barging into his office in a panic.

"Sir!" Fury gasped as he leaned against the door-frame and panted. "It's..."

"Colonel, please come quick! It's an emergency!"

"Help," chorused several others, their expressions panicked.

Roy raised an eyebrow as everyone stumbled over each other to beg him to fix some as yet unspecified trouble. What was it this time? He was pretty sure that there were plenty of coffee beans in storage. He had checked that very morning. So it couldn't be _that_...

"Gentlemen! If you would please speak one at a time, I _might_ be able to help. If I feel like it."

"Well, you see... It's the Boss," said Jean Havok, a nervous look on his face.

"He's flipped!"

"He saw some sort of foreign weapon in the Lieutenant's Armory Catalog and had to make himself a copy." added another one of his men helpfully.

"Now he's walking around the base swinging some huge... huge... Sword-thingie!"

Roy's eyebrow arched even higher. "Sword. Thingie." Never had a thick stack of Invoices looked so inviting as it did at that minute.

"Yes! A Sword-thingie!"

"I think it's called a 'katana', Farman," pointed out Breda, still with a look on his face usually reserved for Black Hayate and any passing puppies.

"Whatever."

"Anyways, Sir. Please do something about it! It's really frightening. He hasn't done anything... yet... but you _just know_ he's going to!" Fury looked up at Roy with a pleading look in his eyes.

"Please! Before he does something we all will regret!"

And that was how Colonel Roy Mustang found himself with his afternoon nap replaced with 'Disarm Edward Elric' duty.

Well, damn if it _wasn't_ a huge sword. Quite ridiculous really, it was almost half of of Fullmetal's height.

Roy would never admit it to anyone, but he did feel a slight chill go up his spine when Edward first noticed him and turned to face him, sword in hand and the most manic grin he had ever seen in his life on his face.

He really needed to find some new minions. And soon.

Still, since they were all currently cowering behind him, it would be up to him, the Great Flame Alchemist, to solve this... little... problem. And he knew just what to do.

"Why, Fullmetal..." he began in his smuggest tone (developed and fine-tuned over his years of knowing the blond), "We _do_ all realize you are quite short. It's no secret. So really, trying to... compensate... for it this late in the game will do you no good."

Well, it got Ed to unhand the weapon at least. Too bad about Havok's hair, really. But it _would_ grow back.

Problem solved, Roy left the ranting boy and returned to his office. He still had twenty minutes before Hawkeye returned from lunch.

Roy was again awoken from a well-deserved nap by someone rudely entering his office.

Only this time, it was Ed himself.

"Fullmetal---"

"Stuff it," grumbled the blond.

The younger alchemist got a smirk in return, but that didn't stop him from shutting the door behind him and stepping towards Roy's desk.

"Earlier, you made a rather harsh allegation." Edward began divesting himself of his coat as he approached, his eyes on his superior officer. "What is worst, is that your data was really incorrect. I really expect better from you, what with your spies and all!"

The dark haired man blinked numbly at Edward as the boy calmly started removing the rest of his clothing.

"I'll show you 'compensation'!"

Sometimes. And just sometimes, mind you, Roy LOVED being wrong.


	4. Bad Timing

**Bad Timing**

"You realize," announced Roy suddenly, "That the whole idea is ridiculous."

Ed gave him an annoyed look. "...what?"

"I mean, the whole concept of us as a couple. It's ludicrous! For one thing... I'm a ladies man. I love women. And they," smug smirk, "love me."

Ed ignored him, but that didn't stop Roy from continuing.

"Anyways. Putting aside the issue of you being the wrong sex, you are entirely not my type. I prefer my lovers to be demure and polite. Sociable even. I also prefer that my lovers not constantly attempt to dump buckets of water on me."

Roy didn't mention that he also preferred his dates be taller. It didn't seem to be the appropriate time.

"In addition, there is also the issue of our age difference and the fact that you are technically under my command--"

"That's nice," interrupted a now highly annoyed naked Ed from under Roy. "Now would you PLEASE shut up and start moving FASTER!"


	5. Roy's Dirty Mouth

**Roy's Dirty Mouth **

"I said no! You are NOT going to kiss me until you wash your mouth out!" Ed 'hmmphed', placing his hands on hips as he glared at his lover. Taking a step back, he repeated. "Now go wash your mouth out! It's disgusting!"

Roy pouted and wiped a smear of white from his lips. "Not even one little kiss?" He looked hopefully over at Ed, trying his best 'Aren't I cute? You'll do what I want, right?' expression on.

And that was when Ed forcibly ejected him from their bedroom.

Grimacing, Roy headed to the bathroom... and his toothbrush. He knew full and well when arguing with the short-tempered and often over-sensitive blond wouldn't work. 

Still though, Ed didn't have to get quite so irate about it. It had only been one little glass of milk.


	6. Not Again!

**Not Again**

(AN: Need I say this is total parody? Good!)

Ed stared at his lover in mute horror for several minutes before finally his mouth remembered how to work. "You... You're KIDDING..." He thrust an arm out, holding the thick leaflet of papers the older man had just given him as far away from his body as humanly possible.

Roy only sighed, his expression weary. "I'm afraid not. You know Edward, these sort of things are becoming fairly common lately... I would think by now you'd be used to it..."

"But this... this is... somehow even worse than usual." The blond's voice was full of horrified disbelief. For really, they had gotten some pretty bad ones in previous days but this one took the cake.

"Just read it. If we are lucky, we'll get sex at the end."

"...You know full well that if so it would be over with in five minutes, and..." Here Ed winced. "Likely involve no lubrication. They never seem to quite remember that part. Idiotic fan-girls."

"ED."

"Aaargh!" Ed threw up his arms in disgust, giving the dark haired man an annoyed look. "Fine... but you so owe me for this. Big time." He paused, grit his teeth, then slowly... his expression changed.

"Oh, Roy!" The Fullmetal Alchemist practically sparkled, his eyes wider than usual as he stared adoringly at the other man. "I love you! I always have! I... I just was too afraid to say so!"

"I love you too! In fact, I've written a poem..."

There probably were worst fanfictions to find yourself in, but neither character particularly cared to think about that part. A man could go insane.

And for the record, the sex was horrible.


	7. The Best Part Of

**The Best Part of...**

There was nothing on the kitchen table.

Roy stared at the blank space uncomprehendingly. For really, there _should_ be something there. He had only placed his usual cup of morning coffee, the kind with the expensive beans he had to have _imported_, there mere seconds ago, after all. He had just turned to grab the day's paper and when he looked again, the precious fluid was gone.

It was quite the serious matter. Someone would have to pay.

The man's confusion was dispersed not a moment later as his lover came into view, yawning. The blond boy put a very familiar blue mug down on the counter as he did so and then slumped into a chair, looking bleary.

"That was _my_ cup, you know," frowned Roy.

"Should have made mine first then," was the sleepily muttered response.

Really, Edward was just lucky Roy loved him. Really lucky.

Anyone else would have been toast by now.


	8. Cut Off

**Cut Off**

Purring sweet nothings into his lover's ear, Roy let his eyes take in the mouth-watering sight of Edward completely naked. No matter how many times he saw it, Fullmetal's body still excited and enticed him. He supposed it always would.

The man leaned over to trace moist patterns on the back of Edward's throat and down his back. Each stroke brought him closer and closer to Ed's fine ass and the delights that would soon follow. Oh yes, it would not be long now! He cupped a cheek in a roughly gloved hand and nudged slightly to indicate that the boy should flip over. The fun part would not begin until Fullmetal did so, after all.

Nothing happened. Not even after several more nudges and a definite _push_.

Roy sighed and peered around to get a look at Edward's face. He was not surprised to find _that_ in his would-be-partner's hands. Again.

"You know, Fullmetal..." Damn it, the other alchemist did not even look up as he spoke! Glaring, the dark-haired man finished what he was saying. "When I said you could read books in bed... I did NOT mean you could read them _in bed_!"

Some people, noted Roy grumpily, should not be given any privileges at all. They were bound to abuse them.


	9. The Honest Truth

**The Honest Truth**

Cuddling up to his lover's bare chest, Ed sighed contently. "Hmmmm... Roy?"

"Wah?"

"That was great. How was it for you?" The Fullmetal Alchemist smiled and prodded Roy's side.

The older man blinked at him blearily. "Mmm, not bad, I guess. Rather short though."

* * *

It took several weeks and four casts before Roy Mustang was finally discharged from the hospital. 


End file.
